Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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