he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
