Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize