My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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