My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
