we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
