It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
