Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
