She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize