oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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