Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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