Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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