WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
