Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
