Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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