Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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