I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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