I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
