I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
