Your mouth is God's brothel.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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