they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
