we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
