im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
