38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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