you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
