drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
