we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
