dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You ruined the universe
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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