yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
