Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
