she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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