I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
