my vag is so smooth its legendary
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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