Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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