You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
