I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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