So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
