stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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