So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
