He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
