So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
