Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
