Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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