Buhtt sex?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
