Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
