there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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