i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
