I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
