Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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