Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
vagina is talking i cant
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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