I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
