i think my tv is drunk
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
