mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
