currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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