I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
this boner is exhausting
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
