I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
