Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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