I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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