Pregnant stripper...not hot.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
