Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
