how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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