We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize