If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
