So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
its liver damage thursday
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize