i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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