i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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