I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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