i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
