btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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