He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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