are you still at the devil's house?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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