Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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