Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
