She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
