I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
