just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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