left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
