and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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