She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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