I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
