$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize