It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
