Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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