I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize