We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
