yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
