Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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